plotting to unnerve her

[self_composed]

Bella finds Milliways in the moon palace instead of one of her balconies.

"Huh," she says aloud.

Then, to Alice, Libby, Elena, and Mary, and Lazarus except he autoreplies with a busy message, [Hey folks, Moonstone Palace grew a bar that I don't remember putting in, come check it out.]

Comments

[manofmyword]

"The girl in question was assistant DA," he says. "She was dating the DA. I kidnapped 'em both. And after I let the Bat smack me around for a while, I told her she could find the lady at this address, and the gentleman at that one. Opposite directions, equally far away. Almost like a math problem." He grins. "And I told her she'd better hurry up."

[self_composed]

"Some combination of," Bella guesses, "they were already dead, they were rigged to get that way or close to it, they were at other addresses, they were at each other's addresses, or you'd managed to convince at least one of them that Bats was somehow at fault."

[manofmyword]

He cracks up.

"Ohhhh, sweetheart," he wheezes, "you and I could have some fun together. They were at each other's addresses, and both of 'em in the middle of great big home-brewed time bombs. I do love my fireworks. And dear, dear Batsy, well, she rescued the wrong one."

This seems like an appropriate moment for another explosion gesture, sound effect once again included.

[self_composed]

"...Did she not even send cops to the other address? Did the watching cops not go on their own initiative, even if she didn't try to send them?"

[manofmyword]

"They went," he says. "But cops only have cop cars. The Bat's better funded. I knew she'd be faster."

[self_composed]

"Cop cars are pretty fast, if they're trying," frowns Bella. "The bat costume's not expensive and unfestive enough to fly, is it?"

[manofmyword]

"Well, she can fall with style," he says, flicking his fingers dismissively. "But nah, she has some kinda custom motorbike."

[self_composed]

"Ooh. I have one of those. I could beat a cop car in it, sure. Although mine is just riddled with cheating. All right. So she tried to rescue the lady, cops failed at doing same, she successfully rescued the guy. Unhappy endings all round. What's next?"

[manofmyword]

"What makes you think there's a next?" he asks innocently.

There is totally a next.

[self_composed]

[manofmyword]

"Well all right, smarty pants," he sniffs. "I blew up a hospital—don't worry, they evacuated it first. Well, they almost evacuated it," he corrects himself. "I did have to shoot a couple of cops on the way out. And of course, the man himself, our glorrrrious new District Attorney, was left in the building juuuust long enough for me to have a quick chat with him. Boy's a looker even with half his face burned off." He winks. "Don't tell anybody, but I woulda gone for it in a hot second. 'Specially when he held a gun to my head. That was definitely a highlight of the evening."

[self_composed]

"I don't think you'd previously mentioned the face burning," Bella says.

[manofmyword]

"Yeah, that time bomb I mentioned blew up on their way out," he says. "Guess it musta caught him funny, 'cause he was a steak dinner all down one side and good as new all down the other."

[self_composed]

"Ah-huh. Well, go on, you're not at the part where they caught you and you found out how to locate Milliways through a barred door."

[manofmyword]

"I got another good one for ya in between," he says temptingly.

"So now you're a member of the general public. Some awful person," he beams a grin that invites her to guess who that might have been, "has been terrorizing the city for days, blowin' up buildings, dangling corpses from the roof of City Hall, all that reign-of-terror kinda stuff. This villainous character kidnaps a news anchor and makes him read out a message, innn which he says that we are all gonna play a game and anybody who doesn't wanna join in had better get out now. Oh, he adds, and the bridge and tunnel crowd are gonna be in for a surprise."

He flashes a grin.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you'd be too smart to take the ferry after that, but bear with me anyway."

[self_composed]

"Oh, you live on an island. That's worse," comments Bella.

[manofmyword]

"Mm-hmm. So. Let's suppose you ended up on that ferry anyhow - there's only one available, because they're using the other one to evacuate about five hundred prisoners. Smart move, really. Who knows what I could get up to if I got my hands on those guys."

Here he pauses, to see how she's taking all this.

[self_composed]

"Let's suppose I did that, instead of buying an inflatable raft," Bella says agreeably.

[manofmyword]

"Smart cookie," he says appreciatively. "So you're on this boat, and you're halfway across the water, and allll of a sudden who could it be on the loudspeakers but your friend the Joker. Who tells you that your boat is rigged to explode, and - ha! - so's the one with all the criminals on it! And it just so happens that he has left you each a present, to wit, the detonator for the other - boat. Annnnd, naturally, whichever boat hits the button first wins the race and gets to live, whereas if you both wait around past midnight, or if anybody tries to escape, well, he's got detonators too."

[self_composed]

"And has my friend the Joker generally shown himself disposed towards being honest about these games, or has he - say - lied about the locations of his kidnap victims?"

[manofmyword]

"Well, you don't know that," he says. "Not unless you're secretly the Bat." He gives her a look of exaggerated suspicion across the table, then laughs. "Which you're not, 'cause she was with me at the time."

[self_composed]

"She didn't publicize this information? The cops didn't?" says Bella exasperatedly. "Grand. Well. If I'm not cheating, I have no hopes of overpowering the average person who might lay hands on the detonator, or want to take it from me if I had it in the first place. The choice is out of my hands here unless I want to jump into the water, and my swimming abilities without cheating always amounted to "dog paddle and wait for rescue". I don't imagine said rescue would be a priority on this day. I don't think a not-cheating me-on-this-ferry has any options besides sitting tight."

[manofmyword]

"Poor you," he says. "Don't worry, though, you got out safely. Nobody hit the button, and Bats got to me before I could hit mine. That was when she threw me off the building," he explains. "And left me hanging upside down from a grappling hook for the SWAT team to collect. As I recall, they stood around watching me giggle until I passed out, annnnd the next thing I knew - Milliways!"

[self_composed]

"Welcome," says Bella, lifting an imaginary glass. She hasn't ordered anything and for some reason it seems rude to conjure beverages in a sentient bar.

[manofmyword]

"Turns out I come here in my sleep," he elaborates.

"And I gotta ask. What do ya think the twist was that time?"