why would you even bother telling someone your secrets before killing them

[self_composed]

By the end of Bio, the halls are full of people eager to inform Bella and everyone else within earshot that her friend is a murderer. They have entirely the wrong attitude to have formed the impression because he just now murdered someone, and also her father hasn't come looking for her yet, so this is probably nonsense.

Bella goes to gym.

Comments

[edgeofyourseat]

"Because I like you for weird reasons," he says serenely. "And 'cause if Mike liked you for the same reasons I like you, he wouldn't act like he wishes he could pee on your leg to scare off all the other dogs."

[self_composed]

"Well, that's a grotesque mental image," Bella remarks.

[edgeofyourseat]

He laughs.

"Yeah, get used to those."

[self_composed]

Bella rolls her eyes. "Anyway. Weird reasons? You're a mind reader now? The inner workings of the median human are transparent unto you, and your own clockwork is wound backwards?"

[edgeofyourseat]

Cheerfully: "You called me a freak on purpose when you knew I hate it; you told me you don't care what I want and you looked like you meant it. Those sound like normal reasons to you?"

From across the room, Ms. Finch calls, "While we're still young, Hammond!"

Alice grins. "Hold that thought," he says, and turns to join the rest of the class.

[self_composed]

Bella smirks to herself and does her stretches and other relatively safe exercises safe on her mat.

[edgeofyourseat]

And at the end of class, there he is again.

"So where were we?"

[self_composed]

"You were explaining how your clockwork is wound backwards, and I could earn your admiration by provoking you to see if you were a physical threat to me, and also by insisting on tailoring my persona to my preferences and not yours," Bella prompts.

[edgeofyourseat]

"No, you already did those," he says. "Hell if I know what you're gonna do next; that's part of the fun."

[self_composed]

"Could is a past tense verb too," Bella says pedantically. "Like, 'I discovered when I was small that I could get more brownies if I helped myself while they were cooling, instead of waiting for Renée to cut me one.'"

[edgeofyourseat]

"Okay. The way you said it made it sound kinda like you were building a list for future reference, is all."

[self_composed]

She shakes her head. "I only needed to do the experiment once, and I think we're clear on who's driving this thing." She gestures at her head.

[edgeofyourseat]

"So that's what the experiment was for? You wanted to see if I'd hurt you?"

[self_composed]

"Before going home with someone whose primary form of recreation seems to be getting into fights? Yes, that seemed like relevant information - information that I wanted to collect under controlled circumstances. And I had a trigger I'd seen work - so to speak - one and a half times." Pause. "What, did you think I did it just to annoy you? Why would I go out of my way just to annoy someone?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"I was kind of too busy falling in love to think about your reasons at the time," he says, smiling. "Makes sense. Not sure it worked the way you meant it to, but it makes sense."

[self_composed]

"Why does it bother you so much?" Bella asks. "Is it only the one word?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"Yeah, just that one," he says. "It's like getting punched in the gut, except I like getting punched in the gut. I dunno why. I mean, I'm not exactly gonna argue that the definition applies, y'know?"

[self_composed]

"Huh. Do you know when it started? I assume you weren't born with special reactions to any English word."

[edgeofyourseat]

"Good question," he says, thinks about it, and shrugs. "Not a clue."

[self_composed]

"Weird. You realize that because it's obvious, anyone who feels like metaphorically punching you in the gut can do it any time they like. Self-restraint might be worthwhile."

[edgeofyourseat]

"On the other hand, if it wasn't obvious, you might not have said it," he points out, "and I like that you did."

[self_composed]

"How many of me do you think there are?" Bella asks, amused. "Enough to be worth it even now that my historical behavior is a fait accompli? For that matter, did you expect me? Would it have been productive to make any plans contingent on my future arrival?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"I think there's exactly one of you," he says, laughing. "And you were a complete surprise, that's the point."

[self_composed]

"If I lived in a fairy tale universe, giving my lunch to a random hobo could grant me a wish," Bella says. "I won't know if I live in a fairy tale universe until I feed all the hobos in the world, in fact, because perhaps only one is magical. That doesn't mean I should plan for it, because I would wind up being very hungry and having no time for anything else, and even if the hypothesized magic hobo is powerful enough to make all the work worth it if I find them, there might also be zero magic hobos." She makes a vague, expansive gesture. "Here I am, how surprising. That doesn't mean it makes sense to repeat otherwise-a-bad-idea behaviors that happened to pay off. Especially since I'm already here, and as you concede there are not several of me, lurking in the corners and waiting to call you names if only those names are sufficiently obvious."

[edgeofyourseat]

"Mm, okay, lemme put it another way," he says, tilting his head back to look thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "I don't really do stuff that makes it easier or harder for people to hurt me, because sometimes I like it when people hurt me and sometimes I don't, and I don't know which one it's going to be until it happens."