why would you even bother telling someone your secrets before killing them

[self_composed]

By the end of Bio, the halls are full of people eager to inform Bella and everyone else within earshot that her friend is a murderer. They have entirely the wrong attitude to have formed the impression because he just now murdered someone, and also her father hasn't come looking for her yet, so this is probably nonsense.

Bella goes to gym.

Comments

[self_composed]

This is completely beside her point. "And?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"And that kind of means they're different things, don't it? To me, anyway, apparently not to you."

[self_composed]

"I'm not trying to claim they're identical, or that anyone who'd do one logically would do the other," Bella says. "I was countering your attempt at justifying the one by analogy to the other."

[edgeofyourseat]

"...Okay, different angle," he says. "Do you feel like me getting beat up is a sex thing you don't wanna be looking at?"

[self_composed]

"Well, I do now. Pretty sure some modestly clever version of Dave Farber whose response to all discomfort isn't 'hit it harder' would also."

[edgeofyourseat]

"Sorry," he says, to all appearances sincerely. "Does it change anything if the sex thing isn't why I do it? I do it because of the other thing. And because getting in fights is, y'know, fun, in a strawberry-ice-cream way. Getting off on it is just... it's not even a bonus, it's not an extra, it's just an also."

[self_composed]

"'Changes anything'? That's not how I'd think about it," Bella says. "I didn't actually say all things considered, you should stop. Other reasons exist. They might well add up to a compelling enough weight to overcome nonconsensual participation in and supervision of a pseudo-sex-act by ignorant bystanders. I said it was sketchy as all get out. It still is even if, all things considered, it would be laughably imprudent for you to quit. We could imagine a magical Peeping Tom who must collect memories of unclothed women in order to save his dying children, too, but that wouldn't make it not gross."

She shrugs. "Hell, the fact that I'm now pretty skeeved out by the whole thing doesn't necessarily mean I'll flee the area next time you push someone. I'm still afraid you'll get yourself killed, and I'd feel like shit if I left and then you did die or even had to go to the hospital, and my priorities are such that I'll stand there feeling like the entire situation is creepy to avoid that risk."

[edgeofyourseat]

"Change anything as in change how creeped out you are. I guess not."

[self_composed]

Bella shrugs again. "My creep-outed-ness is but one of many factors you get to weigh here. Probably doesn't matter much next to the other factors, especially since I'd have other reactions to consequences thereof too."

[edgeofyourseat]

"I don't want you to be creeped out, though," he says. "And I can't stop getting off on getting beat up, and at this point I probably couldn't stop getting beat up even if I stopped trying, but maybe if I can explain why I don't creep myself out then I won't creep you out either. Except I guess not."

[self_composed]

"There doesn't have to be a perfect answer. The universe does not care if people think there ought to be."

[edgeofyourseat]

"...yeah, you don't have to tell me that," he says, giving her a bit of a look.

[self_composed]

"Sometimes I have to remind myself."

[edgeofyourseat]

Alice snorts. "I don't."

[self_composed]

"Yes, well. We're not identical twins."

[edgeofyourseat]

"I noticed."

[self_composed]

She laughs, a little. "Do you happen to know at what point Ms. Finch will be annoyed by us hanging around in her gym?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"Not unless we tell her to fuck off when she comes to kick us out," says the voice of experience.

[self_composed]

"How long does that usually take?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"My ride'll probably show up first, actually."

[self_composed]

"Huh, that hadn't occurred to me. Is there some official reason that it doesn't appear as soon as school lets out?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"Is 'nobody really gives a shit if I have to wait half an hour in the parking lot' official enough for ya?"

[self_composed]

"It still seems weird. Do your parents value the driver getting to procrastinate for half an hour? Do they unaccountably believe that you will get up to nothing untoward in this context, while they're perfectly prepared to ban you from being in your own basement with me? Does the driver have a lot of other places to go and things to do in the early afternoon that cause delay? Is he spending this time doing something your parents don't know about and you haven't said anything because you don't care if you wait half an hour in the parking lot?"

[edgeofyourseat]

"Making sure I go home right on time every day when I don't usually go to more than three of my classes is kind of locking the barn door after the cows fuck off," he points out.

[self_composed]

"Yes, but who is neglecting said door, is the question. Does the driver figure it doesn't matter, or did your parents tell him to not bother?"